Why A Dog is Better Than a Man 
by Gayle Haarr

                   
                    Just to let you all know, I got a puppy from Andrew as a Christmas present. I want to
                    take a second to mention that she is by far the best Christmas present that I have ever 
                    received. She is a little St. Bernard pup named Ulff. Well, she is not so little 
                    anymore. Actually I don't think she was ever really that little. I got her when she was 
                    a little over 3 months old and she was already at least 30 pounds. She is now 5 
months old and weighs well over 50 pounds.

This article was all sparked by a conversation that I was having with Andrew and he said, "You like the dog better than you like us!" Well, at that particular time, I had good reason to like my dog better. I explained some of my reasons and he seemed to find them humorous. So I figured I would share my thoughts with all of you lucky folks. Here are my top 10 reasons why a dog is better than a man... 

1. A dog is always waiting for you when you walk in the door, no matter where you've gone or how long you've been out. Have you ever seen a man wait around like that? A dog will never pester you about where you're going, how long you'll be gone, or who you're going with. Does all that sound familiar? The dog is always there for you if you have had a really bad day. You can count on doggie kisses when you get home from work after a long hard day. Certainly can't say that about most men. 

Ulff is always excited to see me when I get home. Granted she has been locked up in her crate the whole time I'm gone. The crate is only because she is in the teething stage and we would destroy the entire apartment. Not to mention, she would probably wee-wee in the house if left alone all day unattended. Her excitement probably has a little something to do with the fact that she is free from the crate, but it is my prerogative to think she is just excited to see me. 

2. The dog is always on time for dinner, or any other meal for that matter. Just say the magic words and the dog will be sitting pretty on the kitchen floor waiting patiently. Plus you don't have to fix an elaborate meal to make a pooch happy. They are thankful for pretty much anything they get. All you have to do is open the bag of dog food and pour. An added bonus is that a dog will never complain that it doesn't taste very good or that it doesn't like the meal you have prepared. My dog just lays down quietly and eats. 

3. Dogs listen to their masters. My dog listens to me, for the most part. Ulff is just a pup right now, but she still listens to me better than most men that I have met. However, much like a man, she touches and picks up things that she is not suppose to. She is learning though. That doggie obedience class is starting to pay off. Now, if we could just get through that teething stage we would be just fine! By the way, does anybody know if they offer male obedience classes? They could call it, "How to control your man." I got an in home consultation for the dog that covers all types of situations. It would be wonderful if someone could tell you how to control your man in any situation. Just joking guys!!! 

4. When you want to go somewhere or do something you just do it. No long winded complaints or explanations from the dog as to why it doesn't really want to do that. All I have to say is, "Ulff lets go for a walk," and before I can finish she is heading for the door. Same as with, "Ulff want to go for a ride." When was the last time you saw a man move that quickly when you want to do something or go somewhere. Also, if all else fails just wave a biscuit in front of her nose and you have the power. I suppose if you wave certain things in front of certain men, actually most men, a woman can have the same control. 

5. A dog never promises to do something and then backs out at the last minute or even worse, stands you up. Dogs are great because even if they wanted to, they can't make promises. Dogs can't even offer up suggestions or ideas. This is a good thing because then you have no expectations from your canine pal. Unfortunately, men can think and speak. They are full of wonderful ideas and promises, but most of them lack in the follow through sometimes. 

6. A dog never leaves you alone to go out and bond with the other canines in the neighborhood. Your doggie won't want to stay home and watch football on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The dog will want to and go outside and play with you. The dog is ready and more than willing to go, you just need to say the words and you and your dog are on the way. 

7. Your doggie will always be there with you at night. The dog doesn't have to work late or want to stay up and watch the late movie on television. Ulff sleeps right next to me on the floor. A pooch won't steal the covers, roll over on to you at night, or squash you up against the wall. An added bonus is that if the dog doesn't behave properly during the night, you can always take it to its crate to sleep. Can't do that to a man, not to say a man wouldn't easily fit in Ulff's crate. I do have to confess my dog does snore just like a man, only not quite as loud. 

8. Going for a walk with a dog will introduce you to tons of new people. I have met more new people just from walking the dog around the neighborhood than I ever did in the year and half before I got her. I have recently moved and I have met a lot of the new neighbors because of the dog as well. People want to know what kind of dog she is, how old she is, how big she'll get, or just want to pet her. Now, if you go for a walk with a man it is highly unlikely that you will meet anybody. Nobody is going to walk up and asks questions about your man or ask if they can pet your man. Even if they wanted to talk to you or him, more than likely they wouldn't just walk up to strangers on the street or in the park to ask questions like that. 

9. A dog forces you to get the exercise that you need. Dogs need to be walked, ran, and played with on a daily basis. This is especially important while they are puppies. I have lost more weight since I got my puppy than I ever did around a man. Especially because with a man you tend to start eating more meals out and sitting home watching movies or going to the movies. Also, theater food is a killer. All these can be great things, don't get me wrong. But without the dog, the pounds would begin to add up quickly! This way I have the best of both worlds, I can eat all that junk and stay the same weight, or I might even lose a few pounds. 

10. Dogs are easier to clean up after. I know, I know the biggest argument in favor of men is you don't have to clean up after them. News flash, most women clean up after men anyway. At least in my family and the majority of the families I have been around, the mother cleans up after the husband and kids, anyway. Maybe my opinion is based on my Cleaver like upbringing, but I doubt it. At least with the dog it is just me and her. She doesn't have clothes that need to be washed, she doesn't create dirty dishes, and she doesn't make a mess of the bathroom. Also, she doesn't leave the toilet seat up!!! 

I keep saying, "Men are all pigs," and Cajun and Andrew keep saying, "No, men are like dogs." Now that I sit down and think about it, for once we actually agree. Men and dogs do have many similar characteristics. I have seen men beg, pant, slobber, lick themselves, and eat off the floor. I know men who have not bathed in a week or more. Dogs and men enjoy playing in the mud, jumping on people, rough housing with other men. They normally bark when they don't get what they want, and they make that sad and pathetic face when they want something that they know that they aren't going to get. Should I even bother to continue? This list might grow way too long. 

Now I hope you all can see my point that dogs are actually better than men. This article wasn't meant to be a huge male bashing, but it does come off that way. You men aren't so bad after all. Actually, you guys can even be good for some things. I just can't think of any at this very moment, maybe by next issue I will come up with something. 

Editor's Note: It would be cruel to include Gayle's eMail address here, as I know she would get flooded with many supporting letters. Woof.

On second thought, send your comments to gayle@AmbrosiaSW.com